The Last to Know

It's no secret that I've been on the mend of a herniated disk for most of the last year. In my quest to heal thyself, upon my discharge of all formal physical therapy and spine specialist appointments I asked each of my providers if the complementary medicine offering of a personalized yoga plan would be a beneficial excursion for me. Both agreed that I could benefit from a yoga program.

And so it was, with great hope, that I toddled off one early Monday morning to meet a yoga guru who would spend an hour and a half of one-on-one time personalizing a program that could cure me of my PT boredom. The concept of not having to sit in a yoga class with 20 other people, trying to keep up and understand was appealing. The idea of having someone who would evaluate my needs and create a program designed to strengthen my weaknesses was delightful. The thought of a yoga expert focusing on my needs excited me.

Upon arrival I told him what had led me to him. I explained the disk issues, the arthritis and bone spurs in my neck, the bicipital tendonitis that brought excruciating pain. I expounded on the long road back to getting the strength back in my left arm, and how work continually worked against what I was trying to mend. I admitted that I knew nothing about yoga but thought the process could be good for me. I gave credit to my neighbor who had assured me that yoga was an amazing back-strengthening exercise. Yes, this was the right path for me!

The appraisal of my body came next. I climbed onto the massage table while he palpitated my shoulders and spine. He asked about my diet, bad habits, lifestyle. We began to experiment with some breathing techniques. Apparently, I did quite well. And, the only other bit of good news came at this point in the day too. "Your feet are pretty good for a server." Nice. Good to know. Those expensive shoes and extra care I give my feet is paying off.

Servers operate in a "flight or fight" mode during work. Okay, I knew this. The bad news? My body is always in this mode. What? I never relax. Really?

We spent the next hour in a room across the hall trying out stretches, positions, breathing. I am hopelessly tense (at the core) and need to let go. I am "almost trying to get back in the fetal position" with my tense, curling body posture. I pant. I have created misalignments that my body have built calcium to support. I will need to work very hard to undo these deficiencies in my ability to relax.

Meh.

I think worse than finding this out was the reaction of those around me. I called my best friend to tell her what the yoga guy told me. "You needed a yoga guru to tell you that?" I told my boyfriend what the man said. "Okay, but we already knew that." I informed my mother of this horrible news. "Yeah, but that's not news."

How come everyone else knew this? I thought I relaxed sometimes. When I told the yoga guy that I slept well (because I thought this proved I did relax), he practically yelled, "You're exhausted!" Oh. I can't believe that I did not know that I never relax.

I can tell you that having this information has not relaxed me one bit. Now that I am home from vacation, I will begin the long process of learning how to breathe, how to relax, how to stretch those tight muscles that are ready to snap. Sure....piece of cake. I just wish I wasn't the last to know.