Centipede in a House

Yesterday a centipede came zigzagging its way across my wall by my computer. These things freak me out! The only bug worse than a centipede is a hairy spider. But apparently, the wet weather has even the moisture-loving creepies moving upward. It takes everything out of me to remove these things from my home. I'm so scared of them, in fact, that I whined to my landlord about them. He brought me some spray that he thought would take care of the issue.

When this thing appeared, I ran for the new and improved spray from the landlord. I climbed up on my desk chair, got stable, aimed, and sprayed. It ran faster. I sprayed furiously. It finally dropped onto the radiator, but ran off of it into the corner and fell onto the carpet where I couldn't see it since I would have had to crawl under my desk to view it. I stood on the chair, shaking and cussing the bad luck. What was I gonna do now?

Before I could figure out an answer, it came screaming out of the corner toward my chair like a bat out of hell. I sprayed it some more. It finally stopped moving next to my chair. I crept gingerly out of my chair, away from the creature and went to the kitchen to get another spray. I just didn't trust that this thing was dead. After a good dousing with one of my own killer sprays, I went in search of something to scoop up the body. I peered into cupboards with my mind reeling. A cookie sheet? A spatula and a big tall see-through glass? A bowl? A magazine card and an ashtray?

Standing at the kitchen table with a spoon and small plate, still twitching from the fear of it all, I looked over to the spot of the death. The centipede was GONE!!! OMG!! Where did it go?? It was racing toward the couch. I actually had to move the couch so it couldn't get under there and completely keep me off of my luxury sofa for another month. I got the Windex and sprayed it with that. I got the cheapo spray I got from the Dollar Store and sprayed it with that. I sprayed it again with the stuff from the landlord. I stood above the monster and watched to see if it was twitching, or breathing, or plotting its next escape. Holy shit.

Finally, I decided that I wanted to know if it was really dead. I got a deli container with a lid. After about four tries, I got the body shoved into the container with the lid. I secured the lid and carried it away from my body to the garbage area. I gingerly set it on the floor where it couldn't scare me every time I walked into the kitchen. After awhile, I got to thinking that I really wouldn't know if it had moved without marking the spot on the container where it currently resided. Picking it back up carefully, I took a marker and put a line on either side of the giant bug thing. Having done that, I thought it looked pretty plain so I drew it its very own little house, complete with a chimney (but no smoke coming out of it). I think the fumes of the combined sprays along with the heat of the day yesterday had me a little woozy.

I think I'll keep the little house container and use it as a cemetery for the others who think they want to live here. Maybe I should put up a warning sign for them too.

Beware of Owner with Multiple Spray Bottles

Please don't let anymore of those scary things invade my living room. ACK!