The Maintenance Man and the Mermaid

Once upon a time there was a mermaid who lived in a beautiful historic house in a little town in the Midwest. She enjoyed her sunny abode and found solace from the disappointments of life there. Then she dated a man who maintained her house and missed the peace that once permeated her world. The fairy tale you are about to read chronicles how she found that mesmerizing calm again.

My quote-unquote boyfriend is a constant source of disappointment. He doesn't read my blog, in spite of my giving him the link numerous times, so I can say whatever I want to about him. I can also tell the story about the dates I had in December that didn't work out at all when I was trying so hard to move on. Ugh! Said date has resurfaced again now that the weather is nice. He's the maintenance man where I live. Ugh! Why did I agree to go out with someone I'd have to deal with when it didn't work out?? Ugh! I'm stupid, that's why! But it's a funny story, so listen up and laugh with me!

The dates were "okay" but really only served to highlight the things I really missed about the quote-unquote boyfriend who I get along with so well (in spite of his shortcomings). Maintenance Man (let's call him Jake) is all about the "Me, My, Mine" in conversation. Everything is a contest to prove his is better, bigger, more important, and when it's not, it's self-effacing comments about how he doesn't measure up. (OMG! I have a hundred sentences ending in prepositions already. I'm no English teacher)! So, anyway, when the relationship is obviously not working for me (after a whopping three dates), he gets the hint and quits calling. I'm baffled, because I know he's interested, but also relieved, because I'm not. None of it matters because I'm too busy stressing over the immediate concerns of paying my bills, missing the quote-unquote boyfriend, and why I can't just say goodbye to a relationship that isn't living up to what I want.

Then the weather gets nice. There's lawn to mow. There's spring projects that require him to be here again. UGH! Now I'm being haunted by my poor choices--yet again! (I'm good at poor choices, despite the appearance of intelligence when you meet me). I digress. A few weeks ago, the downstairs tenant put in our request for some sticks to hold up the windows now that it's warm enough to want the windows open. Last week, the maintenance man (we'll call him Jake) calls me to ask how many I need. Duh. How many windows are there in this house you've been maintaining for years? I guess math is not his strong suit. Or, wait. You think he wanted an excuse to call me? He left five sticks after that call, supposedly because he didn't have enough wood (don't even start with the innuendos there), but promised he'd get the rest soon.

Fast forward to yesterday. As I'm leaving for work, I can hear the maintenance man (shall we call him Jake?) and the downstairs tenant talking on her porch that I have to walk by to leave. Great. I was hoping he could just check my entrance window that I can't open on his own. Oh noooo, no he cannot. He hears me coming and I can hear him beelining it to the door to end the conversation and catch me before my escape can happen. Damn, almost.

Him: "Hey, I was just coming up to check that window! You got 10 minutes?"
Me: "No. I'm going to work. Just go ahead and check it."
Him: "Well, I'm gonna be back. You work every night this week?"
Me: "Every night except Wednesday."
Him: "Oh! That's when I was coming back!" (How convenient)!
Me: "Okay. See ya."
Him: "Hey. How many sticks do you still need?"
Me: [Rolling my eyes] "Well, ya gave me five. I still need six."
Him: "Okay. Well, like three short ones and three long ones, right?"
Me: "Whatever you have is fine."

I make my exit, knowing he's watching me leave. The desperate look of him wanting to rekindle something that never lit disgusts me. UGH!

I don't really care about having to deal with him. It's really rather comical. He knows his place again, and it's not in my heart. He's the maintenance man we call Jake. My home is my own, and he just fixes things. Those five months of not seeing him gave me back my privacy. I'm able to laugh about the stupidity of trying to date the guy who fixes the stuff that goes wrong here. Lesson learned. I'm better on my own, and I don't have to feel embarrassed by something that happened (what seems like) ages ago.

The mermaid has a job interview tomorrow and she is happy and calm once again in her haven of sunshine.